by Lunakitty » Thu Aug 14, 2014 11:12 am
I'm so sorry for how long it's taken me to respond. I blame two jobs lol.
So, I have a bit of constructive criticism to offer. You have a decent base to work from, but we're looking for something a bit more fleshed out. Don't be afraid to paint a picture for us. You have some solid dialog, but the actions and in particular the process, seem a bit glossed over. If you're willing to give it another shot I'd love to see what you can do to really bring that image to life. The goal being to have your readers be able to picture what you're picturing as you write.
For example: what is Brandon feeling as the changes take place? Fear, curiosity, mixed emotions? What does this change feel like? Is it a cool tingle, a spreading warmth, a pleasurable jolt? As the breasts grow are they getting heavy? is the sensation building? how would you describe the size? melons ripening into watermelons? soccer balls being inflated until they look more like basketballs, and still growing? It's ok to be silly too. The most important thing is to have fun with it. So have some fun and see what kind of picture you can create ^_^
"Yeah, I'm a total Witch."
"Haha, you can swear around us."
"I know what I said." *turns you into a newt*
O_O
"Bah, he'll be fine."
__________________________________________________Can you believe in this?